HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
