Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
