Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
