I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize