Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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