In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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