just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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