just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
