He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
