He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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