i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Randomize
