so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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