dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
