They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just found puke in my bra..
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
