Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
