Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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