Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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