At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
