First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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