I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
