i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We don't watch enough power rangers
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
