I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
