Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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