glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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