Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Randomize
