You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
