I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
pray to the hookup gods
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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