I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
