you're like a bully in the Christmas story
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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