I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
