A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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