did you get engaged???
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
