who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
