well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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