I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
