Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
