I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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