It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
