nutella sex= disaster
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
