your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
we're making bets on your personal life
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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