I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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