I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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