I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
