I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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