Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
