I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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