More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
