The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
