The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
