yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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