a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize