So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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