this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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