there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
