you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
