I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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