My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
