i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
