It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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