It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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