Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
