Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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