my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
