Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I looked at my own cervix.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
