and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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