This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
