I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
