she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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