Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
