um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
