i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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