Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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