Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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