she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I could fuck to npr.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
