oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
