Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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