1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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