I must be too annoying 4 u.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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