2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
