Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
