Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize