Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
