Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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