this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
