"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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