My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
A bitchslap is in order.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
