Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
