You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize