Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
