He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize