shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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