I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
