im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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