I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
this just has baby written all over it
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
