I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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