Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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