Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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