Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
So many bounce houses so little time
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
