I want to stick my p in your. b.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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