The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
