I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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