i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
