Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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