MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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