Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
