She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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