at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
