One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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