I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
