Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Randomize
