see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize