I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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