im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I need to calm my uterus...
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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