i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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