____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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