i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
sex in a hospital.. check
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
