I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
