I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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