Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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