I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
