Kiss
Puke
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
