I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
