There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Is it because I queefed?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize