Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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